A Haunted House (2013)

Rated R. Our ratings: V -3; L -7; S/N -7. Running time: 1 hour 26 min.

Help, O Lord, for there is no longer anyone who is godly;
the faithful have disappeared from humankind.
Psalm 12.1

After watching this mess, viewers are likely to express
the same way as this couple.

2013 Open Road Films

Malcolm (Malcolm Wayans) and Kisha (Essence Forte) are lovers who decide to live together, but as they move into a suburban house, Kisha runs over her boyfriend’s beloved dog. From that opening incident it is all down hill, for them, and for the viewers as well. Having installed cameras all around the house, and especially in their bedroom, Malcolm captures their comings and goings and intimate moments on video. This includes the horny guy masturbating with two stuffed animals, as well as a series of characters called in to help explain what appears to be the visitations of a ghost. Possibly the most offensive of these is the usually funny Cedric the Entertainer as the foul-mouthed ex-con priest Father Williams. If ever there was a film that ought to be on the “Condemned” list of the Roman Catholic Church, it is this one.

If you waste your money on this tasteless piece of junk, any request for your money back should be directed to scriptwriter Rick Alvarez and his co-writer Marlon Wayans (and star) and director Michael Tiddes. What promises to be a spoof of the Paranormal franchise that relies on found video camera footage quickly plummets into the depths of sophomoric vulgarity from which it emerges only briefly to emit a laugh—at least from this viewer. I mean, I really did sit in the theater, periodically glancing at my watch and almost praying, “Please, let there be something funny happen!” So the petition above from the Psalm is not for the movie characters threatened by an angry ghost, but for you dear reader. If it continues to distribute this kind of film, then Open Roads Films should be changed either to “Closed Roads” or “Detour.” Beware, you have been forewarned.