In grieving her daughter, Beth Knopik finds a higher calling

Beth lost her daughter 5 years ago.  Leanna was 16.

Beth, from Sarasota, FL, has found a way to put one foot in front of the other.  “I feel I have to tell her story,” she says. That decision has brought Beth some comfort.

Beth has “shifted” her way of grieving by looking for God’s plan—a higher purpose in her loss.  “Every tragedy is an opportunity for growth.  Growth leads us toward enlightenment,” she says.  “I feel I’m being transformed as an instrument of God to help others.”

Even as an Instrument, Beth still responds as a mom. She  tears up talking about Leanna.

Beth spent the last month of her daughter’s life at her hospital bed, consumed by worry. After Leanna passed away, Beth saw no hope of escape from her grief. “Every day was hell. My biggest fear was I’d never have peace again.”

The day after Leanna passed away, Beth’s sister-in-law, Valerie, a Yoga teacher, offered Beth a private restorative session. During Shavasana, the cool down, Beth lay in a lotus position wearing headphones with the Om vibration. “For a split second,” she says, “I had a sense of peace.”  That momentary glimpse was “a sign of hope. Yoga was something I’d practice every day of my life if it meant I could feel peace again.”

Leanna was a terrific young woman. She was in the I.B. program at Sarasota’s Riverview High School. She studied hard. She played the piano and guitar and rowed and was a Black Belt in Tai Kwon Do. Involved in her church, she “had a passion for mission work,” her mom says. The summer before she died, Leanna spent a week at the Cabell-Lincoln County work camp in West VA. About 120 kids from different states came together to repair homes of poor people, rendering them “warm, safe and dry.”

“Leanna felt how powerful it was to work together for a common goal and in doing so became closer to God,” her mom says.

Though Leanna was determined to work at Cabell-Lincoln the next year, she didn’t feel well. Her mom took her to the doctor. He attributed Leanna’s symptoms to the flu and gave her permission to go. At camp, her symptoms worsened. Too ill to help on the job, she sat in the vehicle texting her mom: “I don’t know what to do.”

“Pray about it,” Beth replied. “If you decide to come home, I have a flight reserved for you.”

Leanna flew home on the second day of camp. Her mom picked her up from Tampa International and drove her straight to the doctor. He sent her to Sarasota Memorial Hospital. Leanna’s vital signs were so weak she was airlifted to All Children’s Hospital in St. Pete. When Beth and husband Steve (CEO of Fl department store Bealls) left the hospital that night to drive to St. Pete, they saw the blinking light of the helicopter taking off from the roof.

“We never thought her illness could take her life,” her mom says. “But that helicopter ride was the beginning of the end.”

Leanna and her best friend Christina Astore loved the rock band Coldplay. Their favorite song: “Fix You.” The Astore and Knopik families had tickets to a Coldplay concert in summer of 2012. When it became clear Leanna was too sick to attend, Christina wrote a letter to the band asking them to dedicate “Fix You” to Leanna. She received a polite response from the manager apologizing that they receive so many requests for dedications that they had to turn them all down.

On Facebook, Christina created “A Letter to Coldplay for Leanna.” Social media spread the word. Support for Leanna erupted. A friend of a friend knew a band member. Through the combined efforts of a few determined individuals, the band agreed to do “something very subtle; something only we would recognize,” Beth says.

Beth attended the concert with her son Rogers, then 13 and a musician, and their Associate Pastor, Clay Thomas, from First Presbyterian Church. Steve stayed at the hospital with his sedated daughter. After the first section of “Fix You,” singer Chris Martin said, “This song is for our friend Leanna.”

At the time, Beth told the Herald Tribune, “We stood in disbelief, screamed and then sobbed in each others’ arms.” Martin knew where Leanna’s family and friends were seated. He turned to them and put his hand on his heart. (Don’t even think about listening to the song without tissue.)

Beth recorded the performance on her cell phone, hoping to share it with her daughter. Leanna never got to see it. She died 20 days later.

Myocarditis, or inflammation of the middle layer of the heart wall, is usually caused by an infection or virus. It strikes less than 200,000 a year.

Beth read A Grace Disguised; How A Soul Grows Through Loss by Gerald Sittser, a professor of theology who lost his wife, mother and daughter in a single car accident. She read it in paper form, using a highlighter. The book, she says, “saved my life.”

Beth still goes to church. “Everyone needs something to hold on to.”

This former commercial banking exec decided, “If there is something positive to be gained from the loss of my daughter, I want to know about it.” And so she’s becoming an author, writing Leanna’s and her story. “It feels like a calling,” she says. “It’s healing when you know you’re living your purpose.”

Leanna’s friends continue to support Beth by sending her texts saying how they felt Leanna’s presence through a song, a rainbow or a past memory posted on Facebook. Leanna’s boyfriend Josh Simon still visits, calls and sends Beth text messages. “We’ll forever be connected through our shared loss.”

Holidays are especially hard for those who’re grieving. A WSJ recent article, “Coping With Grief at Holidays,” reminds us to connect with a note or a call to survivors, mentioning lost loved ones by name. The article makes an important point: Families don’t want loved ones forgotten.

Beth hopes to “reach at least one person” with her story. I’m guessing she’ll surpass that number. Thanks, Beth, for reminding us of hope even in the midst of  family tragedies. Thanks for your courage and grace.

‘Fix You’ from Coldplay

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11 thoughts on “In grieving her daughter, Beth Knopik finds a higher calling

  1. Suzy Farbman Post author

    as texted to Beth by James
    Got to finally read the article. Takes my breath away. You AMAZE me.

  2. Suzy Farbman Post author

    as emailed to Beth from Jeremy Hammond-Chambers
    I literally just finished Suzy Farbman’s blog piece about you. Wow you are a total inspiration!! Coldplay is my favorite band. I was at the concert back in 2012 and never knew that story. I’m constantly amazed at the strength you and Steve have shown.

  3. Suzy Farbman Post author

    as posted on FB from Stephanie Athanasia
    Life gives us role models everywhere we look, and this incredible woman is no exception. She has taken her life calling and enriched our lives day in and day out, and I can’t thank God enough for her and her family. Love you, momma!

  4. Suzy Farbman Post author

    as posted on FB by Christina Astore
    I want all my friends to know how much of an influence this woman has had on my life. Grateful for her strength and guidance.

  5. Suzy Farbman Post author

    as emailed to Robin from Josh Simon
    Beautiful article about a beautiful woman. Forever a part of my family. Love you Beth Knopik.

    1. Suzy Farbman Post author

      Thanks for the comment, Robyn, and for suggesting Beth would be an inspiring subject.

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