Sydney Bs,

So many things to talk about with you. I have so many dreams for you. Seeing you grow, hearing you say new words. Watching you become more than just my daughter, becoming my friend. I keep thinking that everything is going to be okay and then the fear sweeps in again. You make me feel better just by being you these days. You need me to help you grow. Doesn’t the cancer know that? I’m going to fight with everything I’ve got, Hon. I’m going to watch you grow up.


(excerpt from Every Day We Are Killing Cancer by Heather Jose, 2012 Read the Spirit)

This girl had a birthday yesterday. 17. This morning I put her on a plane for a quick trip with the state leadership council that she is a part of. Oh my. Where did the time go?

Watching her grow up has been amazing. I try to honor the gift of being a mom as I know so many others have died long before their children reached 17. I try to stay in the moment, not thinking too much about the past or dreading the future. It’s hard sometimes.

Sydney and cancer were in my body at the same time. I know that now. Thank God it didn’t harm her. Thank God I was oblivious through the whole pregnancy. I’m glad I got to enjoy it once. It is more than some women. I’ve often felt that pregnancy is something that many take for granted.  Having been on the other side, I want to tell people to stop talking about it as if it is a right. It’s a gift. I know that now. Sydney was fourteen months when I found out about the cancer. I learned in a brief exchange with my doctor that she would be the only one.

Never one to dwell on the negative for too long we moved on to adoption. But that’s another blog (and another birthday).

The letters that I wrote so long ago remain true. Many of  the things I hoped prayed for have become reality. It is amazing that this little person can grow up in to be her own unique person, and your friend. She doesn’t think a whole lot about cancer, and that’s just fine.  She knows all about it though and I hope that gives her a more compassionate look at life.

Happy Birthday Sydney. You’ll always be my girl.






  • Cancer