Messing With The Messengers
Wednesday, August 11, 2010 at 8:36AM 
The Zoroastrian priest poked his head inside my room again, looked down at his notes and stared back at me with a blank expression. Apparently I wasn’t Zoroastrian enough for him. But he wasn’t either. Actually, the dude is an Asian Catholic priest and he always looks at me confused. It stems back to the time when he offered me a prayer and I stupidly said, “Sure, from which spiritual vantage point?” The notes in his hand didn’t really have a good answer for him. I asked him for something from Zarathustra and he smiled then boogied.
I sometimes get that way in normal life, testing people who come at me trying to sell a political candidate, a new church, or gutter cleaning. Salespeople showing up at your door probably despise having to ring doorbells and push their products although the spate of AT&T and Comcast guys arriving at our home seems to negate my premise. They genuinely believe their internet services, which come across the same wires as each other, are faster than the other.
Here in the hospital they aren’t allowed to sell roofing services or premium cable but I get a nice mix of God’s salespeople.
Another Catholic priest who popped into my room recently offered me communion. I was game; it had been a while since I’d gone through the ceremony. But moments before he offered up the piety pita for my consumption I casually mentioned I wasn’t Catholic. I didn’t really like the look in his eye as he glanced from me to his notes and back. “Aren’t you ______,” he asked? When I told him blank didn’t live here anymore he ended the interchange.
Now this much I know; I’ve taken communion in a Catholic church on at least two separate occasions without being given a Spanish Inquisition, (of course, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition). Then again, those were times in my youth when one of my many Catholic friends had to attend church on Saturday night or Sunday and I was having a sleepover with them so I just went along for the righteous ride. One hysterical incident happened in high school when my best buddy Bob and I were on vacation and he found a remote church along Lake Michigan to attend.
“Okay Bob, I’m doing everything you do. I take the holy wafer in my hand then I accept the drink then later we hug the hot chicks in the pews and say Peace Be With You, right? I’ll kneel when you do and say ‘trespasses’ instead of ‘debts.’ Anything else?”
Bob said I’d covered all the bases. Then we walked into the small clapboard church and he suddenly makes a gesture with the birdbath inexplicably placed right inside the door and wipes his hand off on his shirt a few times, then his forehead. Uhhh, okay, so I did the same thing, using my shirt and pants though.
To this day I don’t know if he just forgot to tell me about blessing yourself with holy water as you enter a church or if he simply wanted to see how I’d react. Bob, you know where the Comment section is; fess up.
Another monotheistic misstep occurred when a substitute minister entered my hospital room and was sweet, caring, full of smiles and couldn’t get my name right to save her soul, (okay, not a good sentence to use that cliche). She asked if she could say a prayer for me and I gladly agreed. Closing my eyes she lit into a fabulous prayer about health and vitality and love, all for “Randy.” She must’ve thought I was a fool, sitting there laughing my head off. But it was a very kind and heartfelt prayer so I forwarded it mentally to two different Randys I know who have cancer. No need letting such a prayer go to waste. I hope you received it Randys. Remember to Recycle.
To give that Zorastrian priest some credit, he always smiles after our brief encounters come to a close. I wouldn’t be shocked if one day he came up with a holy message or two from a different theological perspective but I’m not waiting; I have Reverend Rik for that.
You may have noticed notes here and there on my blog from Rik. My family of agnostics, true believers and those in between all love Rik. He’s the official hospital Soul Man and I defy you to spend two minutes in his company and not see a being of light and love. I think we initially bonded when we realized his daughter is a photographer, has a fun blog and is a soon-to-be-published author. But mostly, Rik is the type of reverend who gives spirituality a great name, doesn’t push it down your throat and is just as comfortable talking about a wide range of other things besides God saving you or metaphoric gutter cleaning. Rik’s the real deal and the hospital, life and his daughter is lucky to have him out there.
For me, a guy who bills himself as a Spiritual Wanderer, the last thing I want to do is ice out or write off religions I don’t agree with, although I’m real close with the Taliban’s way of practicing their political spirituality. Reading this over I hope you don’t get the impression that I’m mocking certain faiths. I just enjoy poking fun at myself and sometimes I take others along for the ride with me.
In the words of another Rodney, “Can’t we all just get along?”
Reader Comments (7)
Can we have an amen? Amen bro!
There is one religion, and I should know cause I'm in it, where Rodney is the Emperor.
After reading this, I feel that we were wrong in limiting him that way. His breadth of understanding merits making him the big cheese that makes all religions play nice.
Emperor Rodney, I have always been a follower of Real-igion, for there is nothing that honors God more than to be real. Sometimes really whole and sometimes really broken...but still real. So, in that Real-igion, you certainly are an Emperor. Years ago I read the line, "The church is too often too busy answering questions no one is asking" and I sadly had to agree...and it wasn't because the answers weren't there, it was because there was a monologue and not a dialogue. You and other authentic sojourners dare to ask the right questions...and if we (meaning all of us) don't have the answer, we can at least connect to grope our way through the mist of uncertainty, and on the journey discover the truth. Looking forward to some good conversation in "the corner suite"...sweet!
People now a days are too busy trying to "dethrone Jesus"...think about it. He was JUST a PROPHET, he is JUST a HUMAN ...but no one is listening to what HE said....He IS the SON of GOD!!!! Hello peple! Yes we make mistakes and read inbetween the lines of our webbed up minds. These are HIS exact words! He did not call himself a "prophet or a good teacher".. he called himself the Son of God...the sacrifice for our sins (sins being not as perfect as God) Are you? Your thoughts and your ways? Rituals? Yes let;'s touch on this... man's "mind" a way of trying to attain godliness or be a god. Only the one true God knows a man's heart and the purpose for his thoughts and intentions! Rituals? Yoga....let's get our body mind and soul in alignment like a car for crying out loud......let's be OCD and repetively do something over and over again.....let's chant something over and over again...because that makes it real...that makes it God. People get real! Don't spend your time trying to create your own God....he already IS!
Rik is my little brother and I'm proud to agree with your comments about him. So glad you've got him in your corner, but that's not all. He shares your blog with me from time to time, and I, along with others in his family, are reminded of your journey. You have a whole bunch of us supporting you in our thoughts and prayers. Blessings!
Rodney, Thanks for hitting this one out of the park.....Growing up as a strict Unitarian-Universalist (ok stop laughing) I totally get your skepticism. The need for spiritualism is there for most everyone, at my church growing up many of the members found the spirit in the tolerance of their sexuality, or love of peace, opposition to atomic bombs or atomic energy. I have since softened my stance on the atomic energy thing....coal is no good either. The whole lesson I took away from my formative church going years was that it didn't matter to me what anyone believed or didn't believe, but rather they found their spirit. My friend you have gathered us around this campfire of life to dispense your gospel...find your spirit, embrace it, whatever IT is, be good to your friends and even better to strangers cuz you never know when you may need a "boner doner"***.....And Karma isn't a belief...she is a bitch.
***prior to being offended see Rodney's next Blog entry for context***
My Dear Rodney
“I have wandered all my life, and I have also traveled; the difference between the two being this, that we wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment” Belloc
It now seems to me that contrary to how you perceive the influences around you...you are no longer a Spriitual Wanderer....but you are truely on a 'Faith Journey'. From the strength and guidance of "Rik" to the incredible love and support of your multitude of loved ones, to the "miracles of science" God is alive and well in your life.
Since you are the king of poking fun I found the perfect illustration to add to my thoughts :) However...I can't paste it here so I'll just describe it. There is a fellow with darkness all around but with the "Light" from heaven shining directly on him. He is holding a sign and shaking his fist toward heaven saying "You don't exist". Blessings my dear cousin!
Oh, by the way....I think I'd better add the priests, ministers and other religious members at Beaumont to my prayers as well. It sounds as if they may need some additional support if they "wander" into your room.