Rodney Curtis

I think Miss USA sabotaged the Gulf oil well.

After all, she’s Muslim and we all know Muslims hate America, apple pie and The Brady Bunch. The more I hear the insane stories made up by Right Wing wackjobs, the more sucked in I get and can’t wait for the next episode of Looney Tunes. To you, Teabaggers may be crackpots. To me, they’re crack cocaine.

This past month alone, that stalwart freak show Rush posited the oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico was hit by eco-terrorists. Is it possible he’s trying to deflect blame away from Halliburton who actually does have something to do with the spill? Maybe he doesn’t get that eco-terrorists don’t generally try to destroy the environment.

And what about all those insane haters on the Right who think Rima Fakih, Miss USA, is a Hezbollah supporter with known terrorists as relatives? They also say she won only due to Affirmative Action. I have a different theory; I think she won because she’s hot. My buddy Jeffrey Sauger photographed her and what he said afterward sent chills up and down my spine.

RODNEY: Were you at all concerned for your life going into Rima’s home while her relatives were around?
JEFFREY: No. I had no reason to be. What? Afraid because she has her MBA? Besides, she has a framed picture of the Virgin Mary in her living room.
RODNEY: If you were stranded on an oil platform in the Gulf, who would you rather be stuck with: Rush Limbaugh, eco-terrorists or Miss USA?
JEFFREY: Miss USA. That’s a no-brainer. I think I could depend more on someone who had to put herself through U-M and now works at the Detroit Medical Center.
RODNEY: Do you think pageant winners should be excluded from Guantanamo?
JEFFREY: I think everybody should be excluded from Guantanamo. Except maybe Rush Limbaugh …

Wow, if they can fool a seasoned journalist like Jeffrey, the terrorists really have won. Unless of course, I don’t know: THE RIGHT WINGERS ARE LYING!

I hate it when people make up stuff just to cast doubt and murky shadows on people. I’m not saying eco-terrorists are nice people, but I am saying Detroit’s own Rima Fakih definitely is nice and deserved to win.
   
So if I can’t beat them at their lie mongering, I may as well join ‘em and make up some of my own. Here goes nothing:

Rush Limbaugh was arrested on drug charges.

Newt Gingrich divorced his cancer stricken wife and married a woman 20 years younger.

Bill O’Reilly settled out of court for stalking and harassing one of his younger female co-workers for sex.

Wait, what? Those are true you say? Yeesh, I guess I just can’t compete in their Looney League of Liars. At least when terrorists say they’re going to try and attack, you can generally believe ‘em.