Marriage: Who needs it? (Millions of Americans don't)

Is it an out-moded institution? A typical wedding couple 100 years ago. Image courtesy Wikimedia Commons.Are you married? If so, you and your spouse are members of what may soon be the newest minority: married Americans. Only 51% of American adults are married, according to U.S. Census data analyzed by the Pew Research Center. Almost three in ten (28%) have never married. In just a few years, the percentage of married American adults may be less than 50%

The percentage of married Americans has been declining for decades. In 1960, for example, 72% of American adults were married. Only 15% had never married. Americans of all ages are less likely to marry now than before, but the downward trend is steep among young Americans—18 to 29 years of age. In 1960, 59% were married. Now, it’s only 20%.

There’s been an especially sharp drop in the number of married Americans in the last few years. From 2009 to 2010 alone, there was a 5% decline in new marriages. The poor economy could explain recent declines, but the long downward trend has taken place in good economic times and bad. Economics may exert influence, but it isn’t the whole story.

The marriage decline isn’t an “American problem.” That is, there isn’t something peculiar about American culture or values that turns Americans away from marriage. Rather, marriage is becoming less and less prevalent in just about all economically advanced societies.

Marriage is one of the world’s oldest institutions. But it may be on the way to becoming an outdated and anachronistic institution.

Are you alarmed by the increasing unpopularity of marriage?

Have you delayed or avoided marriage?

Do we really need marriage anymore?

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Originally published at www.OurValues.org, an online experiment in civil dialogue on American values.

Comments

[David Crumm]

Sent in by Email by Debra Darvick:
Very sad, but not news to me, about the lessening of marriage in this country.
Without a connection to religion, what do people really feel compelled to pass on?
Marriage is HARD. And that message isn't validated.
The relationship isn't ever highlighted as a worthy one in our culture. We've spent nearly half a century belittling the value of men, lauding disposable relationships on all fronts.
Child rearing, done well, is harder still.
-- Debra

[Kathleen Patton]

I think that marriage, like church, is becoming an option, a choice, that people can make consciously instead of being pressured to enter regardless of their commitment or sense of vocation to it. It's all part of the end of "Christendom". In that sense, perhaps this is a good trend -- a clarification of an underlying lack of purpose that has been there for a long time. I wondering if what we are seeing, in general in our culture, is the death of guilt itself. People no longer are willing to allow themselves to be shamed into doing what they are "supposed" to do, and are insisting on defining moral norms from within. While there is a dark side to this, there is also much grace. If we are to collectively take the next large step in spiritual development into a faith and freedom based approach to morality, we have to let go of our attachment to guilt and shame. This will mean less people in the pews, less coming to the altar, less joining the various clubs and institutions that have glued us together for a while, at least. Until we wake up to the real value of those commitments and associations and habits and disciplines... and choose them from a deeper place.

[Stephanie F]

This statistic could be negative or positive—depending on the reasons why more Americans aren't married.
Considering the alarmingly high divorce rate in this country, if the children of these divorced generations understand how much of a commitment that marriage is—as they have seen the consequences of a failed marriage—maybe they are making more considered choices, which I would consider a good thing.
Another element among younger generations is career. While few females chose to pursue a demanding career in decades past, it is now quite a different story.
If a young woman enjoys her career, who can say she is wrong in choosing not to marry or raise a family until she has the proper time to dedicate?
If a young man hasn't found "the One," who can say he is wrong in putting off marriage until he finds her? I know of three men who didn't find "the One" until they were in their 60s.
Relationships and marriage can't be forced. Why try to fit everyone into a mold that will only make some people happy?

[Paul Hile]

I don't suspect the provided statistics regarding marriage is in any way a commentary on the decline of American's (or peoples) practice in religion and/ or value system. To borrow a cliche phrase, "the times, they are a changin.'" Now, more than ever before, gay men and women are coming out. What once was not acceptable is now not only acceptable but celebrated (in some areas) so those men and women who would have hidden their sexuality 25+ years ago and married someone of the opposite sex no longer have to; people aren't being forced into lifestyles they simply don't belong in. And, seeing as how gay marriage has yet to made legal in much of the United States, the millions of gay men and women who have been in long-term partnerships or will be, must stay in long-term partnerships until the laws turn in their favor.

Also, I must agree with what Kathleen Patton said. There seems to be a lack of pressure, as there should be. There is a reason, after all, for the high-rate of divorces, and it's not a lack of values. Whether it be abuse, depression etc, far too many people, for far too many years were stuck in harmful marriages all because the church did not condone divorce. Now that our society no longer accepts abusive behavior, the stigma of divorce is not what it used to be. This, of course, lends itself to fewer people getting into harmful marriages in the first place.

I myself have just finished my undergrad degree from a small liberal-arts school in Michigan and will be getting married in 8 months. I do not see myself as a religious person, but a spiritual one. I was raised with a set of values and as I have grown some of those values have changed and some of them have remained the same. My parents have been in a loving, committed relationship for over 30 years now and I consider myself blessed to have been raised in a loving home. I value marriage, the commitment to one person, under God, the combining of two lives into one, but I in no way have felt pressure from family or friends to marry my finacee. In contrast, my forthcoming marriage is one that my fiancee and I have decided on based on our own reasons and our own value system.
That being said, my older brother has been living with his girlfriend of 5 years now and neither of them have any clear desire to marry. I neither see their union as less important, nor do find any reason in why two people should marry when they do not wish to do so.

Already the divorce rate is near 50 percent? Has society fallen apart? No. Will it? Certainly not. Fewer marriages does not mean less love, just a more refined, better educated society. And if fewer marriages mean fewer abuse rates, I'm for looking at marriage in a new light.

[davefossil]

With the introduction of "No Fault" divorce, getting out of unhappy marriages became so much easier that getting married seemed to lose some of it's meaning. I was married for 16 years and the divorce was hard on us both and neither has remarried. With so many children now born to single parents and the lessening of the stigma for children in school, it's not surprising that actual marriage is declining. There are societal issues with this trend such as not have contractual obligations where the State has recourse for the welfare of the children and there is loss of two parent households which limits the finical resources for the children as well as interaction with both parents. In many cases these are addressed by the parents. The trend is irreversible, it is our society and religious institutions that are out of step here.

[Emily R.]

Lately, I've seen a trend within my Facebook friends from high school - many are having babies out of wedlock and get married after or don't plan on marrying at all. My best friend wants to get married, and she has a one year old boy. She told me she probably won't though because there's "no point" since her and the baby's father are living together happily. So, I'm not really surprised at the decline in marriage rates. As for me, I plan on getting married to the love of my life and staying married "'til death do us part."

[Mason]

I'm against marriage for several reasons: One, I got to watch my parents divorce, and while it wasn't messy and was well handled on both sides, it made me realize that no, love doesn't last forever, and when it fades, I', the male, will be the one paying financially for it. Two, American women are... well. Picky.

I'll pause for the death glares.

Thank you.

And I'm sure they have a right to be, but many seem to be waiting for Prince Charming, with Abs, a mufti-million dollar bank account, who's gentle, but will dominate them, at the same time while respecting them and-

Look. Wedlock is all very nice, but until -dating- touches sanity at some point, it's not even in the cards.