Can you have a high-quality connection in the workplace? And, uhhh, what about dentists?
I used to think of going to see an accountant
at tax time as the equivalent of going to the dentist. But no
more. You see, Bob, my CPA, has made it an affirming experience.
His conference room is a positive place.
He gives me good tax advice, to be sure. He also supports me in how I’m trying to grow my business. He’s
interested, and in more than just a passing way. Sometime we talk
about a film or an event that interests us both. Sometimes we
share a joke. Oh, and yes, then he gives me the estimate of what
I’ll owe to Uncle Sam on April 15th.
Bob has incorporated into his professional
practice all those elements that Wayne Baker tells us his colleague,
Jane Dutton, cites as important to “high quality connections”:
respectful engagement, enabling others to do well, building trust, and
play.
He can do this because he plans sufficient
time to meet with each of his clients, even during the height of tax
season. It’s a conscious decision. “Conscious” is
a word that’s important to Bob. You’ll recall he used that
word when he talked about “moving the world,” in yesterday’s
Our Values post. Being conscious is a guiding principle in his
life.
And did I mention that when I come to
his office he gives me a hug.
Yep. A hug. Right there at tax time.
Do you know of other people who make
their place of business a place for high quality connections?
Tell us about them so we can learn how they do it. Work takes
up so much of our lives. Wouldn’t it be great if we could
make it "generative," even at the most unexpected of times?
A note to all you dentists out there, including my personal dentist: I know that many of you have made your offices friendly, non-threatening places, with great, supportive staffs. Really! I do! I was just playing an old tape in my head.
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There are numerous charitable institutions in Metro Detroit that my wife and I donate to. Amongst them are The United Way, The Salvation Army, ACCESS, The Islamic Center of America and a few others. One in particular that we support strongly is Zaman International. It is an Islamic based 501c3 charity founded by Najah Bazzy, RN. No one is asked their faith and the organization is color blind. All that need be said is, "I need help".
Whether it is a meal, clothing, help with utility bills or a place to bury a loved one Zaman is there to assist. The organization, in partnership with Gleaners Food Bank, is in the process of setting up a food bank/soup kitchen that will serve the Metro Detroit citizens in need.
I can honestly say that the charitable organizations I am aware of and that I support are doing the best they can under extremely difficult conditions. I cannot criticize any one of them.
I am familiar with Ward Evangelical and with Hiller's Market. I live just a few miles from both of them. Hiller's is now advertising new pricing and also pushing Michigan made food products on radio commercials. I think the joint venture with Ward Church is a noble and badly needed one. I see homes in Northville and other prosperous communities that have been foreclosed on. Those people lost their beautiful homes because of loss of employment in many cases. They were ounce proud contributors to society and, I fear, are still too proud to ask for help.
By the grace of God I have never been faced with the prospect of not knowing where my next meal was coming from. As children growing up in an economically depressed area of SE Dearborn we always had food on the table and a roof over ours heads. My father worked for 42 years before retiring from the Ford Rouge Plant. Mom was a housewife who also worked outside of our home. No easy chore with four children to raise. As children we always wanted more and probably did not appreciate what we had as much as we should have. But if it was an honest need we were always provided with it.
Welfare, as it was called back then, was a secret if you were on it and everyone fought like the dickens before asking for it. I think that same pride still exists in Americans today. Thanks to Ward and Hiller's for feeding Americans and allowing us to maintain our dignity.
From time to time I realize there are saints among us ... Lynne Meredith Schreiber sound like one of them. I realize she is not working alone ... it takes a small army to get a program like this to work. But it takes one person to get it going ... and keep it going. I continue to be thankful for the saints we have among us today.
Who cares for whom?
As an adult child I've come to realize that it's my turn to give back what my wonderful, hardworking, giving mother gave of herself for her children. Now it's my turn to look after any and all needs she requires. How we can we turn our backs on the one who loved and nurtured us all of our lives, at least that was the way it was with my Mom. I know it hurts and is hard for her to accept any help we give her since she was the one that always gave. It's your turn to accept Mom....with all my love and thanks.
Sent in via email by Phyllis, who wrote:
My mom depends on we children for emotional support and love. She is 91 and needs us a lot for her daily activities. She gives us money for our special days such as Christmas and birthdays, but is otherwise financially set. In turn, we love and care for her and buy her many things on a regular basis, such as jigsaw puzzles, clothing and little things to make her life more interesting.
Re: Aging in America
Yesterday a 95-year old friend asked me to get her a "Do Not Resuscitate" order to post at her bedside. That led to a deeply spiritual conversation about death and dying. This is a widow who has no children. She is a woman of great faith, but I can't help but wonder how many other frail adults are struggling with faith questions but don't have a faith community to support them. Thanks for putting the spotlight on older adults!
Missy Buchanan
Author, Living with Purpose in a Worn-Out Body: Spiritual Encouragement for Older Adults
www.missybuchanan.com
Sent in via Email from Evie:
When I first heard of the Red Hat Society, I judged them with an internal smirk. I felt these were ‘older’ women who grew up in a repressed era with domineering husbands and no career aspirations. After they had hit the ‘50’ mark, they ‘came out’, blossomed even, and decided to make up for lost time by wearing mismatched outfits and an
‘I-don’t-care-what-you-think’ attitude. Now I’m over 50. And I
also have that attitude.
I just don’t wear the red hat.
If, as I suspect, the new time of aging means accepting that there is a great deal of "letting go" that is necessary, it feels very much as though one needs to focus on central values--if that means becoming increasingly religious, it would seem that to age gracefully, not simply by denial or resistance (all those things we do to preserve the appearance of youth as our idol) does mean at least a measure of increased religious life. I don't mean "formal" religion although that could well be involved. As one wit noted, "Death has a great way of focusing one's attention," and my hunch is that aging brings with it the realization that there are indeed limits which we do not control (to any really great extent) and that the awareness and contemplation of such limits can be understood as "religious" in some sense. A very long-winded way of suggesting "maybe yes, maybe not" I think!
I am not sure that age increases religious faith. I will leave that to others. I question my faith as much as I ever ... perhaps even more than when I was younger, but the questioning is different. I now question how I am living out my faith versus do I believe.
In less than two weeks I will celebrate my 64th birthday anniversary. Do I consider myself old? Not really.
Mentally I feel no different now than I did 30 or 40 years ago. Of course, my body tells me differently. Each morning when I awaken and get out of bed, I do it a bit slower and with a few more creaking joints. My psoriatic arthritis condition shoots me a quick remembrance every once in a while. I'm trying to figure out how to shave in the shower with my eye glasses on. Last week I purchased some hair darkener that promises to take 10 years off my looks. I'm still debating whether or not to use it. I worry that when I finally retire and apply for social security they will tell me that the well has run dry.
All in all I resist calling myself old. Old was when we celebrated by dad's 50th birthday. I was 26 and remember thinking, "Wow, pop is really getting old." Old was watching that same man, who struck fear into me and my siblings with just a certain look, slowly give himself up to a broken heart and Alzheimer's after the passing of my mother. I know if I could have gotten inside his mind I would have found that young kid still running the streets of Beirut 70 years ago. I can't throw a 30 yard pass with a football anymore or sink a 20 foot jumpshot, but I can still vividly recall doing those things. As long as I can hold onto those memories, I will never grow old.
Having arrived at an "old" 68, I suspect that the old saw about being as old as you feel is true. I don't feel 68, yet know that I am accepting physical limitations that prevent 21 year old behavior. On the other hand, the thought of retirement is far from my thoughts--I have an extraordinarily rewarding though frustrating profession, continue to learn new things about it, and enjoy what I am doing. Modern ophthalmology has recovered my sharp eyesight and modern medicine has met the challenge of a heart issue. No, I don't feel old, just that I may be entering a new part of living.
Replying to Posts on "What Unites/Divides Americans?"
Great news about the Supreme Court's decision. It seems to me that this is discrimination in the worst sense and in my mind if it had been upheld, would have had a severe negative affect on motivation of those who passed the test. This process of determining what's good/bad right/wrong after the fact has the effect of lowering the standards of many of our organizations and institutions and in turn has the effect of weakening our country by diluting what it takes to be competitive.
Wayne, like Missy B says below -- You've touched a topic close to the heart of millions.
Here's one big problem to toss out there into the discussion: Ever since America's 300,000 congregations began to realize that they were going to have to "market" themselves, way back in the 1970s--church marketing gurus began telling them they were "too old."
Well, Americans are aging. "Old 'R' Us." I'm very excited by writers like Missy--and also the Iona Community writers like Philip Newell and John Bell--who argue that older people have great spiritual wisdom that we lose if we are in denial about the value of aging.
So, your topic this week is far broader than religion--but this is a huge concern in American religious life.
Old age is: 20 years or more older than you are currently. It's relative.
Replying to Posts on "What Unites/Divides Americans?"
About time the Minnesota Republicans let voice of the people be heard! I think it's obscene to hold up the election because of petty politics.
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